Letting Go

     As I sealed the envelope, my heart sank.  I had just signed our close letter that requested to discontinue our adoption process. Tears came to my eyes as I realized the dream of having a little girl was once again disintegrating.  For six and half years, my family has been on a waiting list to adopt a little girl from China.  As we began to follow God’s calling to Swaziland, I knew that I would have to let go of the adoption.  After two heart-wrenching miscarriages in 2005 and 2006, God began to lay adoption on our hearts.  I jumped through all the hoops and finally finished the “scavenger hunt” of completing documents for the dossier.  Our DTC (Dossier to China) date was June 22, 2007.  I was so excited when I received the DTC date, since this meant I was officially in the waiting line.  Approximately 18 months was the current wait time and then our family of four would be headed to China to add a member to our family.  I read all the required reading and trusted God that He would provide the money.  After 15-18 months, documents began to expire and we were advised to keep our papers current.  All the while, the wait time began to get longer and longer.  Eventually, I stopped reading the monthly newsletter that was sent from our agency and I stopped renewing forms.  I am sure I am not the only one that thinks they know what God’s plan looks like.  Let me just be real here for a second.  I wish I could tie this all up with a pretty bow and say this is how it started and this is what God was actually doing.  However, these are the questions that bounce around in my head.  Why did God put adoption on our heats and then not give us a child?  Why had He provided the thousands of dollars needed to get to this point, only to lose it all?  I realize all of our money is from God, but just seems like such a waste.

     I firmly believe Isaiah 55:6, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”  Bottom line, if we just keep saying “Yes” to His calling, He will take care of us.  I cannot see the “big” picture, but I am beginning to see a glimpse.  Maybe the entire adoption process was simply preparing our hearts for orphans.  He is leading us to a ministry that works with thousands of orphans, not just one…